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Bereavement Support Page

Understanding Grief and Bereavement

What is bereavement?

Bereavement is the experience of losing someone important to us. Grief is the natural response to that loss. Every child grieves differently, and there is no "right" way to grieve.

Grief is normal

Change and loss, including bereavement, can provoke a range of feelings. Grief is a natural response to bereavement, and everyone grieves differently. Children may experience a wide range of emotions including sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, or even relief. All of these feelings are normal.

How children understand death

Children's understanding of death develops as they grow:

Ages 5-7:

  • May not fully understand that death is permanent
  • Might think the person will come back
  • May ask the same questions repeatedly
  • Often express grief through play rather than words
  • May worry about who will look after them

Ages 8-11:

  • Beginning to understand death is permanent
  • May want to know specific details about what happened
  • Might worry about other people dying
  • May feel angry or guilty
  • Often try to appear "grown up" and hide their feelings
  • May experience physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches

What grief looks like in children

Grief isn't just about feeling sad. Children may:

  • Have difficulty concentrating at school
  • Experience changes in sleep or appetite
  • Become clingy or withdrawn
  • Show anger or irritability
  • Regress to younger behaviours
  • Worry excessively about their own health or the health of others
  • Feel guilty, as if they caused the death
  • Act as if nothing has happened

These are all normal grief responses. However, if you're concerned about your child's wellbeing, please seek support.

How to Talk to Your Child About Death

Be honest and clear

  • Use clear, simple language. Say "died" rather than euphemisms like "passed away," "lost," or "gone to sleep," which can confuse children
  • Be honest about what happened in age-appropriate terms
  • It's okay to say "I don't know" if you don't have all the answers
  • Avoid saying things like "They've gone on a long journey" or "God needed them" as this can be confusing or frightening

What to say:

"I have some very sad news. Grandma died this morning. Her body stopped working and she can't come back. We're all going to miss her very much."

Answer their questions

  • Children may ask the same questions many times – this is normal
  • Answer honestly and simply
  • Don't give more information than they're asking for
  • It's okay to show your own emotions – this teaches children that it's normal to feel sad

Common questions children ask:

"Why did they die?" Give a simple, honest answer: "Grandad's heart stopped working" or "She had a very serious illness called cancer."

"Will they come back?" "No, when someone dies, their body stops working and they can't come back. But we can remember them and talk about them."

"Will you die too?" "Everyone dies eventually, but most people live for a very long time. I'm healthy and I plan to be here for you for many, many years."

"Is it my fault?" "No, nothing you did, said, or thought made this happen. Sometimes sad things happen and it's nobody's fault."

Create opportunities to talk

  • Don't force conversations, but let your child know you're available
  • Some children find it easier to talk while doing an activity together
  • Bedtime can be when worries surface
  • Be patient – children often process grief in small bursts

Share your own feelings

  • It's healthy for children to see you sad
  • Explain your emotions: "I'm crying because I miss Grandma and I feel sad"
  • Reassure them that these feelings will become less intense over time
  • Show them that it's okay to laugh and have fun too

Supporting Your Child Through Grief

Maintain routine

  • Keep daily routines as normal as possible
  • This provides security and stability
  • School can be a helpful place of normality
  • Let school know what's happened so they can support your child

Encourage expression

Children express grief in different ways:

  • Talking: Some children want to talk about the person who died
  • Playing: Younger children often process grief through play
  • Drawing or writing: Encourage them to draw pictures or write letters to the person who died
  • Memory activities: Create a memory box, photo album, or scrapbook together

Remember together

  • Talk about happy memories
  • Look at photos together
  • Share stories about the person who died
  • Mark special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries
  • Visit places that were special to them

Take care of physical health

  • Ensure your child is eating regularly
  • Maintain good sleep routines
  • Encourage physical activity and outdoor time
  • Limit excessive screen time

Allow all emotions

  • Let your child know all feelings are okay
  • Don't tell them to "be brave" or "be strong"
  • It's okay to cry, and it's also okay to laugh and have fun
  • Grief comes in waves – some days will be harder than others

Special considerations for different types of loss:

Death of a parent:

  • Reassure your child they will be looked after
  • Maintain routines where possible
  • Be honest about changes that will happen
  • Consider professional support

Death of a sibling:

  • Your child may feel forgotten as you grieve
  • Make special time for them
  • Acknowledge their unique relationship with their sibling
  • Watch for guilt or survivor's guilt

Death of a friend:

  • Validate that friendship losses are significant
  • Help them maintain connection with other friends
  • Support them in remembering their friend

Sudden or traumatic death:

  • Children may need extra reassurance about safety
  • May experience nightmares or anxiety
  • Professional support is often helpful
  • Be honest but age-appropriate about what happened

Resources and Support Services

National Support Services:

For Children and Young People:

Winston's Wish

  • Helpline: 08088 020 021 (Monday-Friday, 8am-8pm)
  • Website: www.winstonswish.org
  • What it offers: The UK's leading childhood bereavement charity. Free practical support and guidance for bereaved children, their families and professionals. Includes online chat service and email support.

Child Bereavement UK

  • Helpline: 0800 02 888 40 (Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm)
  • Website: www.childbereavementuk.org
  • What it offers: Support for families when a baby or child dies, or when a child is bereaved. Includes resources, training, and support services.

Childline

  • Phone: 0800 1111 (free, 24/7)
  • Website: www.childline.org.uk
  • What it offers: Confidential support for any child who needs to talk

For Parents and Families:

Cruse Bereavement Support

  • Helpline: 0808 808 1677 (Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm)
  • Website: www.cruse.org.uk
  • What it offers: Free, confidential support for anyone grieving. Includes face-to-face, telephone, email and website support.

Child Bereavement UK

  • Helpline: 0800 02 888 40
  • What it offers: Support for parents supporting bereaved children, and for bereaved parents

The Compassionate Friends

  • Helpline: 0345 123 2304 (10am-4pm and 7pm-10pm daily)
  • Website: www.tcf.org.uk
  • What it offers: Support for bereaved parents and their families after the death of a child of any age

Local Support in Andover and Hampshire:

Hampshire CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)

  • Phone: 0300 304 0040
  • What it offers: NHS mental health support for children and young people in Hampshire, including bereavement support when needed

Andover Mind

Simon Says

Hampshire Family Information Service

Naomi House & Jacksplace Children's Hospice

  • Address: Stockbridge Road, Sutton Scotney, Winchester, SO21 3JE
  • Phone: 01962 760060
  • Website: www.naomihouse.org.uk
  • What it offers: Support for families of children with life-limiting or life-threatening conditions, including bereavement support. Located approximately 20 minutes from Andover.

Cruse Bereavement Support - Hampshire

Samaritans - Basingstoke Branch (covers Andover area)

  • Phone: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Address: 4 Paddington House, Festival Place, Basingstoke, RG21 7LJ
  • What it offers: Confidential emotional support for anyone in distress

St Michael's Hospice (North Hampshire)

  • Address: Aldermaston Road, Basingstoke, RG24 9NB
  • Phone: 01256 844744
  • Website: www.stmichaelshospice.org.uk
  • What it offers: Bereavement support services for adults and children in North Hampshire, including counselling and support groups

Andover Churches Together

  • Various churches in Andover offer pastoral support and bereavement services
  • Contact individual churches for specific support available

Helpful Websites and Online Resources:

For Parents:

NHS - Children and Bereavement

Child Bereavement UK - Resources for Parents

  • Website: www.childbereavementuk.org/supporting-you
  • What it offers: Videos, articles, and practical guidance including:
    • How to tell a child someone has died
    • Supporting children at different ages
    • Managing special occasions

Winston's Wish - Resources

Childhood Bereavement Network

Anna Freud Centre

For Children:

Winston's Wish - For Young People

Hope Again

  • Website: www.hopeagain.org.uk
  • What it offers: A safe space for young people to share their experiences and read about others' experiences of grief

Books for Children:

Ages 5-7:

  • "Badger's Parting Gifts" by Susan Varley
  • "Goodbye Mog" by Judith Kerr
  • "The Memory Tree" by Britta Teckentrup
  • "Michael Rosen's Sad Book" by Michael Rosen
  • "Always and Forever" by Alan Durant

Ages 8-11:

  • "The Heart and the Bottle" by Oliver Jeffers
  • "A Monster Calls" by Patrick Ness
  • "The Goldfish Boy" by Lisa Thompson
  • "Wonder" by R.J. Palacio (includes themes of loss)
  • "Kensuke's Kingdom" by Michael Morpurgo

Non-fiction for children:

  • "When Someone Very Special Dies" by Marge Heegaard (workbook)
  • "What Does Dead Mean?" by Caroline Jay and Jenni Thomas
  • "Someone I Love Died by Suicide" by Doreen Cammarata (if appropriate)

Apps and Online Tools:

Beyond - Grief Support

  • A free app connecting bereaved people with others who understand
  • Available on iOS and Android

My Grief Angels

  • Helps children and young people understand and express their grief
  • Includes activities and coping strategies

Practical Ways to Support Your Child

Memory-Making Activities:

Create a memory box:

  • Find a special box or container
  • Fill it with photos, letters, special objects, or anything that reminds you of the person who died
  • Your child can add to it whenever they want
  • Look through it together when your child wants to remember

Make a memory book or scrapbook:

  • Collect photos, drawings, and written memories
  • Ask family members to contribute their favourite memories
  • Your child can add to it over time

Plant a memorial garden:

  • Plant flowers, a tree, or create a special garden space
  • This gives your child somewhere to go to feel close to the person who died
  • Caring for plants can be therapeutic

Create a memory jar:

  • Write happy memories on pieces of paper
  • Put them in a jar
  • Read one whenever you want to remember something special

Make a playlist:

  • Collect songs that remind you of the person who died
  • Or songs that help when feeling sad
  • Listen together or alone when needed

Light a candle:

  • On special occasions or when missing the person
  • This can become a comforting ritual

Continue traditions:

  • Keep doing things you used to do with the person who died
  • Adapt traditions to include their memory
  • Create new traditions to honour them

Activities to Help Express Feelings:

Drawing and art:

  • Draw pictures of happy memories
  • Create a portrait of the person who died
  • Use colours to express feelings
  • Make a collage

Writing:

  • Write letters to the person who died
  • Keep a journal about feelings
  • Write poems or stories
  • For younger children, you can write down what they tell you

Play:

  • Younger children often process grief through play
  • They might re-enact funerals or hospitals
  • This is normal and healthy
  • Join in if invited, but don't force it

Physical activities:

  • Go for walks together
  • Play active games
  • Dance to favourite music
  • Physical activity helps process emotions

Managing Difficult Times:

Special occasions:

  • Birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries can be especially hard
  • Plan ahead for how you'll mark these days
  • It's okay to change traditions
  • Include the person's memory in celebrations

School events:

  • Let school know about upcoming difficult events (Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.)
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